Do you ever feel so lost?
by Hxlden caulfield
Summary: Craig is trying to come to terms with who he is and where does he fit into the universe and his best friend's life. Confusion and anxiety gets the best of him but that stupid idiot is always there to pull him back to reality.


A/N: Heeeyy, so guess who's south park trash again? meeeee, so I know I know, creek became canon, and believe me I love creek but cryde is life (haha get it…?) and I've been wanting to write a cryde… or just a south park fic that doesn't suck for years (I used to write some crappy ass fics back in 7th grade) anyway, I hope this chapter isn't super confusing… it'll make sense as chapters go up.

Just another freaking typical Friday night here at ol' Token's mansion. Another high school party, filled with your complimentary free booze and Kenny giving discounts on pills, weed and of course little stickers that will take you to a trip to the stars. I personally prefer to take said trips and get piss drunk by myself than surrounded with these idiots that I've been forced to surround myself with since the 4th grade. I only keep coming to these shows because that fucking idiot keeps dragging me here, something about me needing to socialize more so I can stop being a cold prick. Of course I just scoff whenever he gives me that bullshit excuse, he only drags me a long and then leaves me alone while he goes out on his own to find a nice pair of legs that'll spread in front of his face.

There he is flashing that stupid grin of his to some dumb bimbo who bothered giving him the time of day. Same scene, different girl, this is just how it typically goes every Friday night, that is if we go to a party, or more like, he goes to a party and I just wait for him to be done so he can crash at my place and then I have to listen to how huge the bitch's boobs were or how great her legs were or sometimes I have to hear him tell me how tight her tuna fish was or how smelly she was but nonetheless still a great lay, then he makes holds my hands or cuddles me when he's really drunk which is fucking annoying may I add, especially when he, out of all the assholes in this redneck town should know how uncomfortable I get when I'm touched.

But back to where I started before I began my edgy angsty teenager rant. I always get this ugly physical uncomfortableness once he choses his fish for the night, especially when he turns around to get my attention to give me a thumbs up or when he actually comes up to ask me for my opinion on the bitch he's going after, like I really do not give a fuck, but he's such a baby, he gives me those puppy eyes when I flip him off or push him away from me.

There she is, the girl of the night, short almost like a freaking midget when she's next to Clyde, long shiny blonde hair, small waist with huge knockers and of course, she has freckles (the douchebag has a thing for freckles). Cue Clyde trying to look for me in the crowded living room to give me the thumbs up… and there he goes, thumbs up and up the stairs he goes.

And that's my cue to either get piss drunk or step outside and smoke a cigarette and have some small talk with the school's drug dealer, Mr. Kenny McCormick. Sometimes it's awkward, y'know? Having small talk with some guy you used to have a middle school crush on especially when he knows, it's not like I have a crush on him anymore, who wants to date or have some hot sex with someone who could potentially have herpes… exactly.

Yet here I am, outside, standing next to that McCormick kid. "Hey, trying to buy a gram? Or- ?"

of course, typical, he still feels pretty damn awkward about the whole thing that he just wants to deal and for me to get out.

"Nah man, not today." I always try to avoid eye contact with any of these guys, I hate them, fucking assholes all four of them plus that fag, Butters. I notice he loosens up and he dares put his dirty hand on my shoulder, his pity sickens me, I don't want his pity, I don't want anyone damn pity. I of course can't control my temper and violently shrug his hand off of my shoulder.

"Everything okay dude? It's so unlike you to not want a high with sweet lady Mary Jane" I dared glance up to see his face, he actually looks worried, probably only because he needs the cash to keep his skinny ass dinner for a few days.

"Everything is fucking peachy, why don't you learn some new ways to get me to buy weed off of your poor ghetto ass just so you won't look more and more like the kids from Africa." I thought that would get him to leave, and all I hear is silence so of course he left so I proceed with the routine. I put a cigarette in my dry mouth and look for my lighter, because of fucking course I didn't think of putting it in the same pocket I left my box of cigs in "fuck….". and then there it is, when I think I'm finally alone, it's when I'm not, Kenny light up my cigarette and he lets out a big laugh.

"Nice one, Craig Tucker, I applaud your creativity in insults." He's actually leaning over, laughing. I can't help it but feel pretty freaking stupid, I can't do anything right, I can't even make the McCormick kid leave me the fuck alone. Oh fuck, here it goes. I quickly put my cigarette out and cover my ears, hoping I can drown out his laughter. It can't be happening, not now, not here, especially right outside where ninety percent of Park High's student body is partying. I feel myself getting lost, the laughter getting louder and louder, I feel so small, so pathetic.

"Hey Craig, let's get out of here, yeah?" I never thought I'd be thankful to hear that stupid voice… again, and a warm hand rubbing my back and the other hand ripping away the cigarette away from my mouth, I feel myself coming back to reality. "Hey Clyde, want a trip to the land of talking trees?" and then that laugh, the only laugh that didn't make me feel like utter shit finally snapped me back to reality. "Haha, Kenny, very funny you know I can't be doing that shit as much as I'd love to… gotta get that football scholarship". That hand that was rubbing my back a few seconds ago helped me up and kept holding my hand and helping me be led out to safety. Again, I don't wanna sound like a fag but I'm glad as fuck that Clyde fucking Donovan saved me once again from making myself look like a complete freak.

Once we're out of sight from Token's mansion he breaks the silence and stops walking "Hey you okay?" I roll my eyes and shove him away "why the fuck wouldn't I be okay". He laughs, I keep walking away and hear him running to catch up with my fast paces. "Good, haha, remember that if Kenny eve-" I stop walking and turn to give him what he calls 'the face of death', he laughs again and gives my shoulder a light punch. "Kay dude, cool, so anyway I didn't get so lucky tonight this bitch-" I mute him out, pretty sure I know what he was saying. I just kept walking along his side to keep warm. I hate when he talks about girls, I can't help it but feel so alone and I hate feeling that ugly heavy feeling in my chest when he does.

A/N: I didn't know crenny was a thing till I got back into south park again, and lemme tell you I find it very interesting and I love the fanart it gets… so I wanted to add some crenny but no Craig no longer has a crush on Kenny, and I will be adding some of what happened in the craig x tweek episode as backstory in the next chapter.


End file.
